Discovering I was on the Spectrum..
I have struggled my entire life and never knew why. Being raised in the 90’s, Autism and ADHD was not a common topic of conversation. It was only diagnosed typically in boys and it was always in the extreme cases. It was never something I saw myself struggling with and wasn’t something I knew a lot about.
School Life
I struggled in school, always being off sick or trying my hardest to get sent home. This was all through school life, from primary up to secondary. I struggled in class, I struggled maintaining friendships, I struggled with work load and the whole environment completely. In primary school I even managed to get off the school grounds and run all the way back home – now knowing this was my fight or flight response and I just ran for it. In secondary school, I avoided class, doodling in the back of my books while the teacher spoke and most of the time had no idea what was going on. When my GCSE’s came around my brain just spiralled into chaos. The work load increasing, the expectations I just didn’t cope. That’s when the panic attacks started. By the time I left school I was having at least 5 panic attacks a day. Of course, you go to the GP’s and because I was female and having panic attacks it was always; “you have anxiety and depression.” I tried Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, I tried pills, nothing worked and I went into a very dark hole. I tried 6th form but didn’t make it to Christmas before leaving. I tried college and the same thing happened again. That’s when working life began…
Work Life
I have been in and out of work places my whole working life. I don’t usually make it past 1 year before not being able to cope and having to leave – usually around mental health. Requiring more therapy, more pills, more financial struggles – all because I didn’t know why I struggled so much, no matter what I did to try to make thinks better, it never stuck and I would still fall.
Diagnosis Journey
I went to the GP again for help when I turned 30. That’s when the topic of, “Have you ever considered you could have ADHD?” I was shocked, I thought he must be mad, I haven’t got that, I remember boys at school having ADHD and I didn’t act like them. I didn’t know that ADHD represents different in girls. It’s still fairly new information that it does. So I went home and I researched it.
What did it look like in girls?
How did they react?
What are the symptoms?
It was like I was reading about my life. So the doctor asked me to write a letter, explaining what I have noticed about my struggles since I was young and he would forward this along with my referral to the Right to Choose Provider of my choice. When the provider got my letter, they asked me to complete a referral for Autism as well as I showed multiple traits. Again I was in a whirlwind. ADHD and now Autism?!?! Everything started to become a bit blurry, it’s like I lost who I was, like I was a stranger and didn’t know myself anymore. It took a long time to accept that I am different, that all my struggles I have had my entire life wasn’t my fault.
I was diagnosed a year later with Autism and Combined ADHD. It has been nearly 3 years and I still have days where I don’t accept that I have these daily struggles and I cry to my husband. “Why can’t I just do what everyone else can do?” “I sound pathetic, I should be able to just go to work and be fine!” It’s a daily battle, and something I am still working on… along with trying to help my own children fight this battle to..
To Summarise..
The point of this post is… a lot of women out there have similar stories, similar days, similar struggles. I want you to know. You are not alone. This is what my website is all about. Supporting you. Supporting your family, and to know… ‘Not all minds think alike.’
To find out more about the right to choose pathway you can either go to my page: Diagnosis Pathway
Or you can go to the ADHDUK website with more up to date information about providers, wait times and age ranges: www.adhduk.co.uk